One morning, a call came from a friend : It’s positive. I woke up startled, unsure if I’ve heard the right thing. POSITIVE?! That was my reaction to be honest. I couldn’t believe it really. I guess we’ve always thought of ourselves, friends and love ones as immortals and nothing could harm or break us.
Before the dust settled, I bombed my friend with truckloads of questions. What happened? How did you find out? Are you very sick? How did you get it? Are you sure? What did the doctor said? Did you use protection when you did it? Did you tell your partner? Did you informed the people you’ve been with? And so on…
I had a huge judgemental piece of shit lodged right up my ass that most of the time I said “You should be responsible and tell them”. At that moment, I forgot I was talking to a friend. A friend who was worried and has trusted me enough to break this important piece of news to me and the only thing I did was judging on how my friend should ‘do the right thing.’
I let my friend down that day. Instead of words of comfort from the get go, I kept being oh so self righteous. Needless to say our friendship suffered. I still disagree with my friend’s decision of keeping mum but I know now more than ever that I should be a friend 1st and foremost. Then we deal with other things after.
Subsequent friends who came out to me about their positive status was handled in a more mature manner. They’ve felt the burden taken off them to have finally been able to be honest with another person without being judged. To which I’ll always answer : I was this little piece of shit then! That in the past I’ve let my friend down, the one who called for comfort and understanding but instead, gotten a self-righteous lecture.
Through them I’ve learn more about their feelings and fears. How friends would shunned them, that people think they deserved it and wondering if they are bad people. That news would travel far and wide and romantic life would suffer greatly because of that very fear and stigmatisation.
Sometimes we forgot how hard it is for a person to call us and tell us about something as important as that. If we could stop, listen and empathize with them instead of being so self righteous, maybe we would’ve been able to play a part in reducing the stigmatization that is happening everyday in this world.
I have once been told of someone who went for an interview and was required to go for medical examination as the final round selection requirement. Not only was that person not hired but that person also lost current job as the interviewer sees it fit to inform current employer of said person’s HIV / AIDS status.
If this happened in western countries, I am sure a lawsuit and protection will follow based on the ground of discrimination. However, with stigmatisation, many resort to ‘accept’ and do not dare to ‘rock the boat’ in case they brought shame and hurt their family and love ones.
We can stop all that. We could help improve lives and that includes ours. That’s what IAMD is all about. One day, I hope we can all come together with our thoughts and actions that spelled : In Solidarity We Stand.
It’d be good if you could read more about HIV / AIDS and Safer Sex (FYI, graphic contents so don’t say I didn’t warn you ya?) and play your part in helping to reduce the level of discrimination and stigmatisation experience by people who are Positive and the family and friends who love them. I’d also like to share this movie from MTV’s Staying Alive Foundation called Transit. If you think yourself immortal, pause and think again. After all, art does imitate life.
For HIV / AIDS support group in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, you can contact PT Foundation and talk to them. They are very helpful and staves are professional and non-judgemental so do know that you could open up to them.
I care and it can all start with ME.
Don’t forget. Never forget.
pinkpurpledollar 